Saturday, July 30, 2005

Updates on The Pool Of Death

It's been a few days since I had the epiphany concerning the foolishness of having the canopy over the pool which turned said pool into THE POOL OF DEATH. In an attempt to avoid the inconvenience of having stir-fried Teen Peeps, someone in the house...mentioning no names but their name starts with RA and ends with IE...had the incredible idea of putting up a canopy over it to protect swimmers from the sun's ULTRAVIOLET DEATH RAYS. Only problem being, of course, that a pool covered with a canopy doesn't have the warming effect of the sun's rays on its BELOW FREEZING waters, and Teen Peeps weren't suffering from skin cancer, but flirting with the real possibility of HYPOTHERMIA and IMMINENT DEATH.

So I thought I'd let you know how it's coming along.

It's an almost triumphant success. Removal of the canopy has caused the water temperature to rise to roughly three degrees above freezing now! Remember - this is Washington, so by the time the rains come again, we might just have a pool that doesn't make all males cry at the prospect of sitting down!

Of course, removing the canopy has also added the attraction of wildlife to the mix. You can swim with....well...not dolphins exactly but majorly sized beetles, spiders, huge ants, bees and other sundry crawly things which have discovered that the surface of the pool might look nice and shiny and all, but tends to freeze the life clean out of you if you actually touch down on it.

We've also learned that Rosy the Peke, and Katie the Shih Tzu have excellent swimming skills. And that they tend to run like hell inside of the hot house whenever anyone's outside and looking like they might be heading in the general direction of The Pool Of Death, for fear that said human person might decide that the dog looks hot, and they might wind up being plonked inside the freezing waters of The Pool Of Death. Clinton, the cocker spaniel - he who is terrified of the hose pipe, and needs to be sedated before grooming has learned to run very fast.

The major drawback I can see with The Pool Of Death is the odd effect it has on your muscles. Once you overcome its freezing embrace, it's actually quite pleasant to be out in it until your fingers turn pruney, particularly when the temps are high, like they are for a couple of weeks a year in the northwest. Trouble is that when you get out, and come back to the table to work on the latest batch of transcripts for The Big Office in New York, your fingers rebel, and you find that your usual typing speed of 80 wpm has completely disappeared. Your well trained fingers are still somewhere in the bottom of The Pool Of Death, and have been replaced by these weird sausage things that resist every order you give them, and refuse to type certain letters, and balk at anything above 20 wpm.

The consolation to all of this is that my piece of crap Compaq laptop (I will NEVAH buy Compaq you hear me??) can actually keep up with me at this speed, so I don't have to go back and correct that misspelling I made ten words ago when it finally has the grace to show up on my screen.

I am blessed.

And frozen.


Blogger 'Lema said...



PS: Ha ha.

4:32 PM  
Blogger Tenna said...

ROFL, at temps of close to 100 degrees most of the year, the Pool of Death sounds almost heavenly to this south Texas gal...

8:53 PM  
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