Friday, July 29, 2005

Tom Cruise is Nuts

And I'm not the only one who thinks so.

Honestly.

There's an honest to god website out there at http://www.tomcruiseisnuts.com and it's a happy place to spend an hour or so. Caution: Avoid drinking liquids while reading some of the comments TC is credited with making. Your computer will thank you for it.

You know, I guess I just assumed people understood what Scientologists believe - even when it comes to the Teen Peeps. So when Xander was watching tonight's episode of The Daily Show With Jon Stewart, and Steven Colbert gave his wonderful description of the Scientology belief system, and colt boy almost had a CORONARY from laughing so hard he couldn't BREATHE, it was cute as hell.

I also learned, courtesy of the website in question, that Mimi Rodgers (TC's first wife), Nicole Kidman (TC's second wife), and Katie Holmes (TC's brainwashed little pal) have an age difference of eleven years between each of them respectively. Katie's actually 22 years Mimi's junior. It has you worried about Dakota Fanning.

The great thing about reading interviews with TC which are from other countries is that the interviewers seem to be much less concerned with his status as SUPER HUGE HOLLYWOOD MEGASTAR and are much more comfortable with telling him he's FULL OF SCIENTIFIC THETAN POOP. Why is it that US interviewers seem to be so incapable of asking the important questions - and following them up when he skates around them. There are things we'd like to KNOW about this guy and this weird as hell thing he has going with Katie Holmes, which just aren't being addressed. So to get them started here are:

THINGS I'D LIKE TO KNOW ABOUT TOM CRUISE AND KATIE HOLMES
  1. Does Katie mind that you seem to have approached three other starlets - all of whom balked at the whole Scientology deal - before settling on her?
  2. If it's just you, Katie and Cupid, how come she seems to have turned into some kind of glazed-eyed little thing who parrots phrases like "Tom is good and generous" and "I am the luckiest girl in the world" in inappropriate responses to questions?
  3. Who is this creepy little Jessica chick that Katie has hanging around her 24/7, who claims to be a 'Scientology chaperone', and 'a good friend', but is a bit fudgy on when they actually got to be such bosom pals that she no longer needs anybody else in her life? Oh...and who even prompts Katie in interviews ...'You adore him.'
  4. If Scientology isn't a cult, why does it appear to be such a powerful force in your life that you can't put a sentence together without it relating back to Scientology?
  5. How is it that nobody can get an interview with you without having first attended a 4-hour presentation about what Scientology is?
  6. If you can fix all medical and psychological problems without the aids of modern medicine and drugs, what's the deal with your freaking teeth? Don't you have some kind of machine for that?
  7. Where did you actually meet Katie Holmes - and when? Was it around the time she dropped everybody out of her life and disappeared from the media radar for a couple of weeks before coming back with that hypnotic mantra and slightly glazed-over expression?
  8. Don't you think it's a bit daft for a high school dropout to be waging a war of words with a Harvard grad? And you're such a little bugger - in a fistfight, my money's on Brooke Shields. She could take you with one arm tied behind her back. Or she could just cream you nicely and serve you on toast with her words, the way she did in her NY Times article.
  9. Have any of the other celebs who have been practicing Scientology reasonably quietly for the past however many years - like John Travolta, and Kirstie Alley - come knocking at your door to ask you to shut the fuck up yet? Surely they have to see that you're not exactly the BEST advertisement Scientology could have come up with?
  10. Are you really so out there that you don't see what a dick you're making of yourself?

13 Comments:

Blogger Jensgalore said...

Too funny! He never has appealed to me and the recent events have left me feeling vindicated. He is weird, weird, weird.

That site reminded me of a page I ran across years ago and still think is one of the funniest things I've even seen on the web. David Hasselhoff is the Antichrist http://www.esquilax.com/baywatch/index.shtml

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