Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Michael, Michael Michael!!!

Yesterday was the first full day of jury deliberation in the Michael Jackson trial. And what a day it was. That led me to a little thinking about all of the....

Things I have learned from the Michael Jackson trial
  • Joseph Jackson - family patriarch of the Jackson clan has a tendency to lose family members - or bits of his mind - as evidenced yesterday in his little crowd frenzying futile trip to the courthouse in search of one of his children. We weren't ever sure which one it was, but it did whip the fans into a frenzy of "Michael is innocent" chanting outside the jury room.
  • Michael Jackson is not the pedophile we thought he was. He actually is someone jailed because of his political beliefs by a racist regime - at least according to Jesse Jackson who loves to compare him to Nelson Mandela. (Oh and btw...Jesse is not the oldest Jackson brother, although he'd like to be.)
  • A good legal team always involves at least two spokespeople who are not covered by the Judge's gag order, along with your personal agent and your personal magician. Marvo the Magnificent may soon be looking for extra work since I'm not sure that they allow personal jugglers inside the big house.
  • Grown men sleeping with small children who are not related to them by blood or marriage for 365 days straight are doing absolutely nothing wrong as this is perfectly natural and innocent and means pure love. Ask NAMBLA.
  • Bubbles the chimp is eternally grateful he died before the real circus began.
  • The Jackson prosecution is actually a conspiracy between prosecutor Tom Sneddon and Tommy Mattola of Sony Records in order to bankrupt Jackson and regain the Beatles catalogue in perpetuity for Sony.
  • The Jacksons have another sister! Janet, Latoya and Rebbie, who apparently didn't have a cool enough name to be a Jackson sister. She does have all the right moves though, as evidenced in the staged standing up and walking out in unison with the other two girls when the prosecution got up to make their closing argument. Ohhh, that hurt. That really hurt. NOT.
  • Contrary to what Azrael has always believed, Michael and Latoya are NOT the same person! We've now seen them side by side without mirrors. However as Azrael points out, MJ does have a constant magician on staff. Hmm.
  • Most people can name more of Snow White's dwarves than the actual members of the Jackson Five.
  • I've noticed that out of all of the talking head defense attorneys who guest on Court TV and support Michael Jackson in his plea of innocence would as a common rule of thumb NOT want their own children to stay overnight at Neverland. Go figure.
  • Wearing actual military medals from foreign lands, when one has not actually done anything to earn said military medals from foreign lands, tends to really piss off the people who live in foreign lands.
  • When you are facing something you don't want to face, it's a good plan to have a low back injury. It even allows you to go to work in your pajamas. (Or to court, depending on which is closer or more pertinent for your situation.)
  • Michael Jackson wears REALLY ugly and boring pajamas.
  • Azrael doesn't think Michael Jackson would make a good straight porn star due to his distinctive skin coloration. I think Michael Jackson would make a bad porn star because his nose would probably choose an inopportune moment to fall off.


Blogger Azrael said...

Hey!.. helped with some of those..poohy head..
any exercise equipment that you would like, we'll fit in the "shed"..we should all use it as well...

5:16 PM  

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